Relationships, Forgiveness, and the Mess of Loving Your Siblings

As the oldest of three children, I can tell you something about having difficulty in sibling relationships. As someone navigating raising a sister who is 11 years younger than I, I could tell you some stories. However, Joseph’s brothers really take that whole sibling rivalry to the next level. The story of Joseph and his brothers, and many other family stories in the book of Genesis remind us that relationships, even the ones that matter most, are hard. Siblings not getting along seems to be a recurring theme in this first book of the Bible; you have Cain and Abel, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau, and now Joseph and all his brothers acting in maniacal, hurtful ways, and they didn’t even have a remote control to argue over. Joseph’s brothers in this text worry that Joseph will hate them after their father dies and sending him a message so he will forgive them is surely relatable to those of us with siblings. The complexities and nuances here might help us understand why the authors of Genesis emphasized the sibling relationship so much. Because deep down, even though we fight over remotes, for attention, for achievements, or for the last piece of cake, our siblings are the people we’re stuck with. We don’t choose them, yet we need this relationship, and we need each other.

When my siblings have hurt me and asked for forgiveness, I sure as heck haven’t always responded the way Joesph does: Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones. (v. 19-21) It’s tempting to wield the wrongs done to us by our siblings and our siblings in Christ as weapons against them and hold grudges forever. But how might our lives be different if we live out the kind of forgiveness and reconciliation Joseph models here? How free might we be if we found ways to comfort the siblings who wronged us and spoke kindly to them?

The book of Genesis is full of stories of siblings causing deep harm to one another and I don’t think that’s accidental because in Christ we have been given a whole, motley crew of diverse siblings and we can’t seem to figure out how to live together, love each other, and show up in this family the way Christ Jesus calls us to. The story of Joseph forgiving his brothers despite the horrible things they did to him, is a story for all of us in this wild messy family. We are all Joseph and we are all the brothers—in need of forgiveness, reconciliation, and grace.